Sometimes you get what you ask for but don’t get what you expect.

Sometimes you get what you ask for but don’t get what you expect.

Today we took a trip to the orphanage and the place where they found our little boy when he was 1 week old. It was not as I had imagined it. The first floor of the teachers’ dormitory in the middle school turns out to be a lonely uncovered stairway in a back alley. I was in tears when I returned to the van. I had pictured his mother taking him some place where he would be protected from the elements and safe. Like a corridor on a bench in the school building. He was in the area of the teacher’s apartments so he would be found easily but not exactly as I had pictured this scene at all. I was so grateful he was placed with us and that we were taking him away from all of that.

The orphanage was not what I had expected either. Post modern building of concrete and wooden doors. There is a colorful playroom with toys, it even included therapy equipment, but the gardens or outside play area was basically concrete with a bare basketball hoop and a lonely slide. I would not have called this a garden. They are very proud of the institution and yes that is a good word for it. The rooms are clean and decorated for the children, the nannies were obviously in love with the kids and especially Ben. They all wanted to hold him and love him and play with him. I was nervous when they took him from my arms that he would think we were giving him back but he was ok. His little friend Huai Yang An is 2 ½ years old and has not been matched yet even though he is on the waiting child list. He had a tumor removed they tell me and is doing very well no problems. I do not know if this was a real Tumor or a growth of some kind, it was at the base of his spine sacral/buttock region as they showed me his healed scar when I asked where the tumor had been from. They could not elaborate on what type and my guide is very poor at asking questions and translating for me to them. She was having conversations with the staff and not telling me what was said and not telling them what I said even when I asked her to translate for me! Very frustrating as a nurse and mother wanting to express gratitude!!

Yes Karen I gave Yuan Yuan a hug and kiss and told her mama and baba are coming as soon as they can.

Did I mention the driver got lost once we were in Huai an? Yes they did not bother to let us know or explain as he was making u-turns in the middle of busy trafficked bridges. I am grateful to be here now! Remember China does not use car seats for children so I was holding Ben tightly and had seat belted both of us together. The guide and driver just kept talking/ arguing in Chinese and we had to ask what was going on, which we surmised without her after the third turn around. All I could think was we just drove 2 ½ hours and are paying for this car service, do not tell me they have the old address and we will not be able to see the orphanage now. I just kept giving it up to God as I had NO control in this situation. After 20 minutes or so they finally got us there. This was very nerve racking. It was a gated driveway into a concrete landscape that lacked for warmth.

The staff then decided to take us to the location of the new orphanage which will soon be the largest in the province connected to a senior housing project. It was an active construction site that left me very nervous to have a baby anywhere near but we did the ooh and ah over the new construction that appears massive. When asked if there was any supplies we could get for them our guide kept translating that cash was preferred because they know what they needed. Very disturbing that even after we had told her we did not want to give money she would not accept that or assist in arranging to forward gifts/donated toys cloths to the center when they brought the next child down to Nanjing. Another reason we were not pleased with this guide! We ended up giving some money with the intention that this would go to medicine for the children, I truly hope it does, Since she kept talking about money to them we felt we were not able to walk away without offering a donation without looking poorly.

By the time we were done there all I wanted to do was return to the hotel. We had packed energy bars and snacks as well as formula for Ben so we told her to forget about lunch out, esp when she again went - Oh you don’t like Chinese food(we had been eating nothing but since we arrived and I really had to restrain myself from saying something I’d regret)

Originally she had told us very few children are adopted from this province in south china because this area is richer. As we drove thru Huai an it became very clear that this was not a rich city and not at all the same city we saw on the internet when we researched the area. There was a lot of construction, and poor living condition in the older building areas. Today she said this was a poorer area and that this orphanage was low middle in rating. Why does it seem she contradicts herself all the time??? I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. She now called the area northern china???

On the way out it was a refreshing change to be in the country side. My soul sighed relief when we were out of the city. I am not a city living type of person my being craves the quiet of the suburbs. It was nice to see another side of china, for the last week we had only seen sky scrapers and a few ancient areas. I expected to see more pagodas and what one sees on travel shows about china which I am sadly missing. It was so interesting to see the contrast between city living and country living, quite the country mouse city, mouse scenario. We were able to see farm regions and oxen, goat, ducks, sheep, etc. Our guide said many Chinese people prefer the noise of the city and city living especially the young people.

On the way home I just wanted to get here! Ben’s breathing was getting worse and I could here the secretions in his airway which I could not suction due to erratic driving and fear of hurting him if a sudden move happened I might jabb him with the bulb syringe (one I had acquired from my old peds nursing work not the silly ones with the big end that barely lets you get to the base of a nare). He fell asleep and never got his afternoon bottle as lunch so he was tired cranky and hungry when he woke up. We started on cherios hoping it would be only a few more minutes left of the drive. Then we hit horrible rush hour traffic that just stopped dead! Poor Ben gaged on a cheerio and between the mucus and the cough and the cheerio, well you can imagine what happened next all over me and my coat and him. Good the mucus was out bad he felt rotten and I was covered. The guide unhelpful. Now I was getting beyond cranky and just wanted to be back “home”. We got to the hotel and she is calling his name loudly and stimulating him and irritating him after I had calmed him down. I walked away from her and told her to leave him alone. When we got to the room and I was putting him down she was trying to get him to stand on his feet and be active. He was tired and still felt lousy I took him back and comforted him. She says he only wants to be held. Well yeah when she is around and bugging him…ok I’m still a bit cranky from this episode so I’ll stop here before it gets worse.

Ben became playful after we were back a while and is fine. I suctioned his nose a few times and did some reiki and reflexology for him. He had some congii for dinner after some mashed up bananas to settle his tummy. He went to bed late for him and is out like a light now.

All and all we have much to add to his adoption story from going and since the new large orphanage will open next year if we had not done this he would not know what this place was like by the time we come back on a heritage tour 13 years from now.

I can hear the traffic on the main street below now and long for the quite of our real home.
1 ½ days to Guangzhou we can do this…

She is arranging a trip to a park that sounds lovely tomorrow I hope it is a much better day than today.

Peace and love
Nancy