Don’t point that thing at me; it could be loaded!

More on that shortly.

First, Happy Easter and a belated Happy Passover!

The breakfast buffet is absolutely yummy: scrambled eggs, French toast, assorted breads, fruits, chicken nuggets (waaaaay better than those Chicken McDeadlets), pasta, turkey and chicken sausage, and more. Speaking of yummy, in Nanjing we had to teach our guide the difference between yummy and yucky; quite amusing. Today, we discovered Ben LOVES yogurt shakes. He wiped out 180 grams of a blueberry yogurt shake, in his bottle, in mere minutes.

Easter service was a very nice bilingual service. Ben was great and didn’t fuss much at all. I wound up standing almost the entire service, as the church was packed to the point where people listened to the service outside. Ben got a chance to nap, but unlike previous years, I did not. Just kidding. Mostly.

Tyler’s birthday party was unfortunately winding down by the time we got out of church, but we managed to have cake and wish him well. Three years old.

Jade and Pearl Shopping Trip. I admit, I should’ve stayed home for this one. It was a market place where almost every vendor had the exact same thing. They don’t speak English, so you can’t really talk to them about price or quality, and the only way to haggle price is to pass the calculator back and forth. They put a price, you shake your head, they put another price, you shake your head, they give you the calculator and you give them your price, then they give you their lower price. Back and forth until either you agree or walk away. Haggling was never my thing. As almost everything the vendors had were pendants, and anything else was very high priced, I didn’t buy anything. Nancy did, and as she was happy with her purchases, who am I to argue. The most fun I had was listening to all the women tell me how beautiful Ben was. He’s gonna be a heartbreaker. Watch out girls!

Neither one of us did much browsing at the pearl marketplace; it was similar to the jade market with endless vendors with endless pearls. I took a few photos just to give an idea of what the place looked like. Then it was back to the hotel.

We picked up our laundry from Michael’s Place, three embroidered prints, and something called a chop, which is a two inch column of stone that’s a stamp of Ben’s name in English and Chinese. At the top is his birth year animal: a mouse. This is a great shop with all kinds of gifty stuff. We may go back for some other things. We’ve got Jordan’s to check out tomorrow, so we’ll probably spread the wealth between the two shops.

We had dinner at the world-famous Lucy’s. I had pan-fried noodles with chicken, carrots, onions, and chili and a couple of glasses of pineapple juice. Nancy had the Assorted Satay (chicken, pork, and beef). Ben had a healthy helping of my dinner. Bad plan . . . see first line, more in a moment. We discovered Ben has no problem using a straw. Sometimes I think he knows how to do everything, if we’d only give him the chance. Kinda scary and wonderful at the same time. We all split apple pie a la mode (vanilla ice cream) and another one scoop of chocolate. Maybe that was the bad plan.

We met another couple, who we’ve seen around the hotel and today at church. They’re from Denver and were very nice to talk with. Nancy gave them our card to keep in touch. On that thought, I want to write up all our Holt couple’s names, kid’s names, and emails so we can keep in touch afterward.

Then we walked around a bit and headed back to the hotel. As Nancy wrote, bath time was relatively painless. Bath time was standing naked (Ben) in a two inch pool of water and getting a washcloth bath. He got his hair washed as well, which was not his favorite activity, but, as it hadn’t been done in a while, it was time.

Disclaimer: If you are easily given to nightmares or acute sensory awareness from other’s descriptions, you may want to skip this bit. I’m a writer and this is a very graphic paragraph. Do not read if you’ve just eaten. You have been warned!

Okay, here’s the part you’ve all been waiting for: the relevance of that first line. Nancy was on the phone with her mother, wishing her a happy Easter, and Ben and I were playing on the marble tile floor when he got this odd look on his face and suddenly brown ooze was seeping out from under him. Luckily, he only had his diaper on, but it gave me an awful start. Do something! Help me! Help us! Nancy, meanwhile, is casually saying goodbye to mom as this seeping mass is growing larger. Pick the baby up or leave him? I don’t wasn’t him sitting in that foul mess, but I don’t want him tracking it elsewhere. I know what it is, but I don’t know why it is. Obviously, something we fed him did not agree with him, but I was too busy keeping feet and hands away from the oozing puddle of noxious stink.

Nancy says: What do you want me to do, he has to get it out, there may be more. MORE? Good God, the kid’s turned toxic. I was not built or wired to handle such a stinking hot mess. Although I now very CLEARLY understand the meaning of the phrase Hot Mess. As a matter of fact, it has way new meaning. I could not imagine my cute, adorable, smiling angel becoming ground zero for the worst stink I’ve ever had the fortune of smelling.

Nancy finally helped me clean him up, which was me holding Ben while she removed the offending diaper and wiped him down. My comment on all this? Ewwwwww.

That done and a new diaper on, he went about his way until I heard the gentle bubbling that I knew was another round of explosive baby butt. I have discovered the downside of parenting. I know there will be more episodes which may overshadow this one, but for right now, this ranks as the number one downside event.

While cleaning him again, Nancy held his butt up to wipe him, and I uttered the line: Do not point that at me, it could be loaded. Luckily, it was not and we cleaned him up again (see above for process) and sent him playing.

Suffice to say we both had an awesome laugh, Nancy called her mother back to apologize and explain, and all ended well.

Tonight’s tantrum was a mere six minutes and he was down asleep. Yippee!

He’s still awesome, and he’s still cute, and when he smiles, nothing else matters. He’s a keeper.

Tomorrow (Monday) is a mostly free day, so we may do some shopping for him, and stop at Jordan’s to get his etching, a picture of him etched into stone. Yes, it’s touristy, and yes, it’s one of those things parents do, and we’re doing it.

Until next time, be well, have fun, and remember, even diapers can be lethal weapons.


Peace,
Gary . . .